The face of so-called "partial-birth abortion" could be your own

by Audrey Eisen
October 2003

The voices missing from the rancorous debate over so-called "partial-birth abortion" are those of the women who would be affected by the first-ever federal ban on abortion practice. I am one of those women.

If you had told me a year ago that my life would somehow become entangled in the politics of abortion, I would have told you, you were crazy. Abortion was the farthest thing from my mind. I'm 35 years old and I desperately want children. My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for four, and trying to have a baby for two. Abortion was not something I thought much about.

But earlier this year, all that changed.

In November of 2002, after fighting infertility and experiencing the sadness of a miscarriage in July, we were thrilled to find ourselves pregnant. While understandably apprehensive, we consciously decided to be excited - another loss would hurt just the same, regardless of whether we had allowed ourselves to be happy.

In the first few months, my doctor performed regular ultrasounds to ensure that the embryo was developing normally. It was such a treat to be able to see our child growing. I kept the pictures and my thoughts in a pregnancy journal.

When it became evident that we were going to make it through the first trimester, my endocrinologist referred me to an obstetrician (OB). At my first appointment, the nurse put a fetal heart monitor on my belly and, much to our amazement, from a seemingly great distance, we heard the characteristic "whoosh" of our child's heartbeat. We were on top of the world thinking that, for sure, this one was going to make it.

At 13 weeks', however, all this changed abruptly when we discovered our child had a condition most commonly associated with Trisomy 13. Most fetuses with Trisomy 13 die in utero; of those who make it to birth, almost half do not survive past the first month; roughly three-quarters die within 6 months. Long-term survival is one year. Unfortunately, neither life nor death come easily for these children - theirs is a painful existence marked by periods of breathing cessation and seizures. Because my OB was unable to get a good image of the brain during the 13th week ultrasound, we returned two weeks later.

The first thing my OB examined during this visit was the fetal brain. He didn't say a word. I could tell he was holding something back and asked that he tell me what he saw. He said, "It is not normal." The rest of the scan was a blur as tears ran down my cheeks and those of my mother and husband, who had accompanied me to the doctor's office that day. Following the scan, the doctor left us alone to compose ourselves. I cried with my whole body, from the depths of my soul.

Shortly thereafter, I had other tests. These confirmed that our baby had Trisomy 13.

At this point we discussed our options with a genetic counselor. My husband and I both felt strongly that we did not want our child to suffer; we decided to terminate the pregnancy. I had an abortion on the first day of my 16th week of pregnancy.

Soon after I had the procedure, I began to see news stories about a new federal "partial birth abortion" ban. Like many Americans, following the press on this issue over the past several years, I had thought, "My God, this must be something horrible." But as I mourned the loss of my much-desired pregnancy, I came to realize that if the ban became law, safe second-trimester abortions like the one I had would not be available to those women who come after me. I don't know how they will endure; I don't know how I would have endured.

Our child had numerous abnormalities: the brain, heart, and other internal organs were not developing properly. Our child was also a girl and we miss her very much. In our case, abortion was the only humane choice. This choice must be preserved for the sake of all women and their families.