Mary
On September 2014 we packed for a one-way journey to US, hope for a better life for two young professionals. The very first sentiments, however were sadness and deep homesickness. We missed our families so bad that several times decided to go back. Then we experienced loneliness: no friends, No families, even no one who speaks Persian. Immigration was like putting down whatever you have from your social network, self-esteem and social position to customs, holidays, foods, clothing and your language and start a completely new life. After a year and a half, while we had a more stable life, On December 2015 we decided to make our little family warmer with a child. Three month later we had a positive pregnancy test. We were so excited. We started to dream about the future, reading lots of articles about being parents and how to successfully raise a child. Our little happiness didn’t last long. Two weeks later, we ended up with a miscarriage. We were shocked and desperate. Doctors said it can be completely normal. Three month later, I was again pregnant. The first weeks passed with a mixture sentiment of fear and hope. However, it was again a miscarriage. All the lab results were fine.
Before losing our hope about having a child, we decided to try one more time. At week 6, we saw a blinking dot on the monitor during the ultrasound. The very first sign of a genetically healthy embryo is that he would form a heartbeat. At first a heart cell starts beating instinctively and stimulates other cells to beat with the same frequency. This is a miracle and for us it was an unbelievable miracle.
Doctors called him “Rainbow”. A rainbow baby is a baby born following a miscarriage. He taught us that the sun shines brightest after the rain. And we named him “Ata”, According to Quran, “Ata” means an eternal gift from God.
Ata is now five months old and hopefully, he will enter the world on April 2018. I requested a visa application for my parents to be with us by that time. The US embassy rejected my father’s application because they thought if both of my parents had the visa they might not go back to Iran. I was still hoping to have my mom here while I need her most in my lifetime. Last week the US supreme court approved Muslim Travel Ban and now my mom cannot visit us anymore.
As an Iranian visa holder living in US, I feel like being in a prison without any visitors. I hoped the world was a better place to live and I don’t know how to explain this world to my son in the future.