Jun 16th, 2008
Posted by John Aravosis, AMERICAblog at 3:39pm	LGBT Rights

John Aravosis: Winning Marriage, and Keeping It

When my friend Robin Tyler told me a few years ago that she was suing the state of California to let her marry, I thought she was nuts. Don't get me wrong. Robin is great. She's a tireless advocate for the civil rights of gays and lesbians, as I learned first-hand when she organized 34 simultaneous protests across the U.S. and Canada for our StopDrLaura.com campaign. But suing for marriage? Good luck with that.

Well, I was wrong. Robin sued, and Robin won. She and her partner, Diane Olson, were married in an official government ceremony at the Beverly Hills courthouse on June 16.

I've learned in politics, especially working in civil rights politics, that sometimes you're convinced something can't be done, and it can. By erring on the side of caution, we sometimes miss huge victories. So why not always "go for it"? Because sometimes we won't win, and losing can be a huge setback.

In politics, unlike love, it's not always better to have tried and lost. Legislative, legal and electoral defeats can sometimes set a movement back for years, if not decades. Politicians are a skittish bunch. When you ask them to stick their necks out for you, and then you lose, they’re less likely to help you the next time around. It’s not nice, it’s not fair - it’s just a political fact. And any lawyer can tell you, a lost court battle can establish a horrible legal precedent that might not get overturned for decades (see Bowers v. Hardwick).

Sometimes, oddly, defeat can also come in the form of victory.

I spoke on a panel in San Francisco a few years back, and the very pro-gay audience was all fired up about winning marriage in California. That's great, I told them. I absolutely support letting gay couples marry, and would love to get married myself some day. But I asked the audience, what's your plan for making sure your future California gay marriage victory isn't overturned by a federal constitutional amendment (or a state amendment, for that matter)? Silence. It seemed a lot of thought had been given to how to secure marriage in California, but not as much to how to keep it.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't fight for marriage, nor that we shouldn’t take risks in that battle. It simply means that whether the battle is marriage, or any other progressive cause, it's important to think of what comes next, lest the victory be short-lived, or the defeat set us back even further.

So what should you do? Join state-based efforts to support equal marriage rights where you live, and support national organizations that are working to stop the Federal Marriage Amendment and provide federal benefits for all married couples.

Let’s win our equal rights, then fight like hell to keep them.

Permalink |	LGBT Rights

Tags: LGBT Symposium

1. anonymous Says:
   Jun 16th, 2008 at 6:39pm

   John, In the 1990s I was part of a small group of people challenging the constitutionality of the Tennessee law criminalizing "consensual sodomy" in a "homosexual acts" statute. I was terrified of being outed and losing my job (I was a young gay man in the military, lower enlisted, making about $16,000 a year and I felt very powerless politically and very vulnerable -- I am near retirement in the Army now). Our lawyer was Abby Rubenfeld, a lesbian (Abby was, in the truest sense of the word our "advocate," too -- a very honorable word for an attorney, I think). She was assisted by the ACLU. In those years, Abby was not a powerful or prominent attorney in Nashville and I think she was, in those times, marginalzied by some in the local legal community because she was openly gay (although she was not a person who would take crap from anyone). During the legal process I actually had nightmares about being retaliated against in the Army or being investigated by the Army CID (I was a John Doe on the documents). And I was convinced that a conservative, southern, state Supreme Court (with a state government then dominated by the GOP and conservative Democrats) would follow the lead of Bowers V. Hardwick which upheld Georgia's sodomy law in 1986. We filed the case in 1995. I just knew we would lose and would be laughed out of court (and outed in the process). In 1996, the Tennessee Supreme Court, in Campbell V. Sundquist overturned the "homosexual acts" criminal statute as unconstitutional! I was involved in advocacy for the state hate crimes law in Tenessee to include protections for sexual orientation. The hate crimes passed the General Assembly in 2001 and became law. I was and I am an ordinary citizen. I was not wealthy then and I am not wealthy now. I am not a powerful or influential man. I was even a bit of a closet case, afraid to go out to gay clubs, and I certainly was not an experienced activist. I only had two years of college in those years. Yet I was part of an ordinary group of very regular citizens, working people, who managed to have an unjust "homosexual acts" law overturned as unconstitutional. And I was part of an ordinary group of citizens who had a hate crimes law passed, inclusive of sexual orientation. All of this was in a conservative, Bible-belt state. And, of course, I celebrated when the U.S. Supreme Court, in Lawrence V. Texas, struck down the Texas sodomy law, effectively quashing all state sodomy laws in 2003 and reversing the awful injustice of the 1986 Bowers V. Hardwick case. Thank you Abby, ACLU, Robin Tyler, and all "ordinary citizens" who work for justice, personal privacy, and equality. We need to work for same-sex marriage universally and to overturn the ban against gay folks serving in the U.S. military. I have to go shopping now. I am buying a wedding gift for friends, a newly-wed gay couple in California. If you are not a member of the ACLU, please join now online.

2. lark83 Says:
   Jun 16th, 2008 at 10:06pm

   Very nice and thoughtful piece. I suppose our next battle on the gay rights front is to end discrimination in the military. I think the US is the only NATO power that still discriminates. I predict that will change real soon.

3. Pat Tibbs Says:
   Jun 17th, 2008 at 9:51am

   San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom put everything on the line in 2004 when he started this quest for equal marriage rights in California and it paid off. It's my firm belief that one of the most important reasons it succeeded is that several years ago lesbians and gays began to come out publicly in large numbers. Once average people were exposed to out gays they realized we are average people too and a majority of Californians are now in favor of equal marriage rights. I'd say that indicates that the bolder we are the better.